Love Vaccine Episode XNUMX Good and Evil (XNUMX)

I lost contact with Nao for about XNUMX days.
No matter how many lines I send, it doesn't mark as read.
When I reread the line I sent back then, I can clearly see how upset I was.
"How are you doing? I'm curious."
“I wonder if the dissociation is happening again?”
"Please let me know when you feel better. I'll be waiting."
"My precious, precious Nao-chan. Get well. I sincerely pray for Nao-chan's recovery."
"If Nao-chan doesn't get better, I'll become a really bad person."
“Perhaps being involved with Nao-chan itself is a re-enactment of my trauma.I divorced and abandoned my mentally ill ex-wife.Even though I have many other normally healthy daughters, I was worried about Nao-chan. "I'm going to end up."
"Nao-chan, are you okay?"
I was actually quite depressed.Her spirits were depressed, her head felt heavy, and her work and play faded.
If this was the case, they should have at least preserved Nao's virginity.
It might be high time.Should I retire from everything?
I don't want to hurt the woman I've become close to anymore.
When I was thinking about it, on the XNUMXth day, I got a line from Nao-chan.
"I'm very sorry for not being able to contact you for a long time. It seems like you were dissociated or depressed, but I don't remember anything about it. Don't blame yourself for ``throwing me away.'' Please don't ask me. I tried my best to make it happen, I had to do it, I had no choice but to do it. Now that you've recovered a little, is it okay if I ask you again?"
it was good.
It was really good.
After adjusting the date schedule, I managed to find time to meet Nao-chan, and I was able to meet her for the first time in about two weeks.
When I asked him, he said that he met the married man in question the day after he met me and lost his virginity, or the day after that.
Apparently, she also had vaginal sex with that man.
I haven't received any treatment.
Mac: “So, you must like that man after all, right?”
Nao-chan: "No, definitely. I have no romantic feelings or sexual desire."
Mac: “So, do you think it looks cool?”
Nao-chan: "That's not true either. It's rude to say this to the man, but even though he's in his XNUMXs, he looks quite old. Mr. △ looks younger than me."
Mac: “Then why are you meeting this man?”
Nao-chan: “I don’t understand.”
Somehow, I was able to grasp the structure.
It's still a hypothesis, but isn't Nao's relationship with the married man a "reenactment of her trauma?"
Unrequited dedication.
The same was true for my mother.No matter how hard Nao tried, she couldn't stop her violent behavior.
That's why he probably had no choice but to dissociate and run away from his unrewarded and unacknowledged self.
In that case, our relationship with me will be Nao's medicine.
Because I'm giving you money.
I am able to receive something in return by serving others.
If I were like that, wouldn't I have to go out of my body and run away?
For Nao, becoming a dad could be the first step towards a new, so to speak, normal relationship with others.
Mac"Nao-chan, I'm a person who doesn't have a lot of feelings like possessiveness or jealousy. As proof of that, I don't care at all whether the girls I'm dating have boyfriends or other dads. That's why I... I'm not saying this out of possessiveness or jealousy, so please don't misunderstand me.
Stop having sex with that married man.
This time, Nao-chan's symptoms got worse, and I was feeling really depressed, wondering if it was because I forced her to lose her virginity, but I started to think that wasn't the case.I think the relationship with that married man, not me, is a ``trauma reenactment.'' ”
Nao-chan"I was also thinking about not having sex with that man. Since he is married and having an affair, there is a risk that his wife will find out and demand compensation, so thank you for supporting me."
good and bad.
Some may think that ``There is no good or bad in things, there are only facts,'' but I believe that there is good and bad in everything.
This is because if we do not think in this way, there will be no guideline for human actions and actions.
We must constantly ask ourselves whether what we do is good or bad.
The same guidelines apply to dad activities as well.
But still, sometimes I feel that I have fallen into evil.
After all, it's a story about young women's bodies.
In the first place, sexual desire itself is the original sin since the time of Adam and Eve.
You may lose confidence and lose sight of the direction you should take in the darkness, but even if you fall into evil, have faith that a new good will emerge from it.
There is a famous saying in the Ten Isho that says, ``A good person will die as a good person, rather than a bad person.''
Although various interpretations are possible, I have applied this word to the ``good'' that would not otherwise be born in the filthy world of dad-hunting, a world of evil people filled with small amounts of money and sexual desire.
If Papakatsu didn't exist, Nao might not have been saved.
No, of course, the premise is that Nao-chan will be saved by me in the future.
In any case, there are some good deeds that can only be accomplished by bad people.
And the beginning of that would be acknowledging, or at least questioning, our own evil.
A ``good person'' in a broad sense refers to someone who does not do evil.
Indifference/non-involvement.
Is that really “good”?
It seems that ``good'' in a narrow sense can only be born from a heart of atonement for evil.
It's a bit like a chicken-and-egg story, but when it comes to good and evil, it may be an exaggeration to say that throughout human history, I believe that evil came first, and then good came after.
(Continue)

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