Love Vaccine Episode XNUMX Good and Evil (XNUMX)
There is a daughter whose outlook on life changed after hearing Nao's story.
B-ko-chan is my staff officer and secretary, so I consult her about anything.
I have already reported on the episodes of Nao-chan that I have written so far, as well as my feelings.
B-chan also entered the world of father-hunting because of her relationship with her parents, which I can't write about in detail because I think she would hate it.
I said, ``I can only explain that I was driven by sexual desire to accompany Nao-chan in reenacting her trauma.I took pride in the fact that I was simultaneously providing money and emotional support to the girls.'' However, when I told B-chan that it had collapsed, she seemed to be quite shocked.
I thought he didn't want me to admit that I was such a dirty person, but it seems that's not the only reason.
In any case, there was something that was difficult to accept, and B-chan probably didn't want to think about it too deeply, so she decided to stop thinking about this matter for the time being.
Next, I took in B-chan's opinion, ``I think Nao-chan was happy that she met someone who tried to understand her,'' and while I played with Nao-chan in various sexual ways, I tried to understand her innermost feelings. I tried to understand more about trauma.
This seems to have had a positive effect on both Nao-chan and me.
I feel like I am helping Nao-chan.
Instead of ``only sexual desire = evil'', I am able to aim a little in the direction of good.
When B-chan heard this, she felt a little relieved.
At the same time, B-chan seems to have started thinking about the relationship between Nao-chan and me, and what makes her feel uncomfortable about it.
At first, I thought that B-chan was disillusioned with me after hearing that my own sexual desire was the root cause, or that the relationship between B-chan and me that B-chan had built over the past two years... In other words, I guessed that he didn't like the idea of losing some of his love for Nao-chan, but it seems that both of those ideas are off the mark.
B-chan: “Do you know what “sick business” is?”
Mr. Mac: “Dark business?”
B-chan: ``It's not like that, but it's a method of attracting male customers who sympathize with the mentally ill girls in the sex trade and sex industry.''
Mr. Mac: “Oh, is that your “sickness”?”
B-chan: ``Nao-chan is a girl who can do ``sick business'' without even realizing it.''
Mac: “I mean, Nao-chan is really suffering from a psychiatric illness.”
B-chan: ``That's not the problem.In fact, if my daughter was pretending that she was sick (a lie) and was working as a father, then I wouldn't have been shocked by what happened.The reason is that I myself... In the past, I was really sick, or rather, I lived my life by frantically complaining about my unfortunate circumstances to those around me.''
Mac: "Hmm, I don't really understand..."
B-chan: ``When I listen to Nao-chan's story, I feel like my old self, and my heart is agitated.For me, desperately, in order to live every day, I appeal to those around me, hoping that someone will listen.'' I've found people who can help me, and I've been relying on them, but even if I don't realize it, it's like they're showing me that what I'm doing is no different than being sick.''
Mac: “Ah, I see.”
B-chan: ``In the end, I'm no different from Nao-chan, even though I'm complaining to Mac-san and the other dads about school fees and other painful things.But in me, Nao... There's a part of me that feels like saying harsh things to Nao-chan, but it's a boomerang that hits me, so I think I should stop thinking about Nao-chan.''
Mr. Mac: “When you say ``severe things'', do you mean, ``You're no longer a child, you're an adult, so stop relying on others? That's the same as being sick.''
B-chan: "No, it's okay to rely on others. It's natural to want people around you to understand and help you when you've had a difficult time in the past. I think it's great that you've been able to express this.It's a question of how you rely on someone, and by first showing your own fragile and fragile spirit, like saying, ``I might break down,'' and expressing sympathy, pity, or wanting to help. The method of drawing out the feelings of others, the method of controlling human relationships by taking advantage of other people's insecurities and forcing them to lean on them, is similar to ``sick business''.''
Is that so?
B-chan: ``I'm worried that Mac will become more and more addicted to Nao-chan's ``unconscious illness.'' Both A-chan and I are trying our best on our own in difficult circumstances. We're trying to get by, and we're probably able to do it.However, if Nao-chan is really sick, she might not be able to do her best like the rest of us.In that case, Mac-san will be stuck forever. I’m afraid I’ll put it away.”
Mac: ``No...I don't know if this is something I should tell B-chan or not, but if I really think there's no way to save this, I'll probably just cut ties with her and run away. That's the kind of person I am.It may seem cowardly, but I believe in the saying, ``God helps those who help themselves.''I just love being there for my daughter who is trying to help herself.''
B-chan: ``The target of ``Kimiei'' is precisely those kinds of men. It makes them feel like they can help them. Nao-chan may not be aware of it, but I feel like she's doing just that.''
Was that why every time I talked to B-chan about Nao-chan, I felt that her reaction was somehow different from when I talked about other girls?
However, in my eyes, it also shows that B-chan has grown spiritually.
B-chan, who has a violent past, literally wouldn't have been able to survive without someone's help.
It's impossible to compare lives, but B-chan's upbringing is no worse than Nao-chan's.
As an extension of her childhood, B-chan naturally and unconsciously engaged in ``sickness'' even in her life as a father.
Mr. Mac was also receiving the sales.
However, that is not the case.Now that you're an adult, you should no longer beg for mercy from anyone, but rather be independent, whether it's making money or building relationships, using your own strength.This is called Nao-chan. In a sense, by looking into his own mirror, he may have become more aware of it.
Just as Mr. Mac reflected the demon of sexual desire within himself in the mirror of Nao, B-chan saw the cunning and ugliness of the ``unconscious illness'' within herself. Probably.
I am poor and weak, placed in an unfortunate environment.
I wouldn't say it was ``good,'' but it was certainly not ``evil.''
However, ``sickness'' is bad.
Just like me, B-chan has realized the ``evil'' within herself.
The relationship between me and B-ko-chan may become a little different than before.
B-chan will become independent, and I'm sure I'll feel a little lonely.
I feel like a father who has raised his own daughter.
The father-husband relationship will continue for a while yet.
I'm sure B-chan still needs me as someone to talk to about her life, and I still have some sexual desire, although it's starting to dry up.