Love Vaccine Chapter XNUMX Good and Evil (XNUMX)

Nao-chan informed me that she wouldn't be able to come tomorrow, so the late-night emergency meeting with A-ko and B-ko was dissolved for the time being.
Well then.Is Nao really a person with multiple personalities?
I have seen and heard such stories in novels and dramas, but I have never actually met the real thing.
I was a little worried, but now I have no choice but to ask him.
So I decided to line up.
Below is the exchange.Almost original.

Mac"It's a pity that we won't be able to meet tomorrow. I'd like you to tell me one thing, but when you're dissociated, do you have a different personality? Don't you remember?"

Nao-chanAs you said, dissociative disorder can be subdivided into four types: dissociative amnesia (forgetfulness), dissociative fugue (disappearance and starting to live as a different person), dissociative identity disorder (a state in which a different personality appears, that is, multiple personalities), and depersonalization (a sense of being out of the body due to a loss of sense of reality). There is
Please be assured that your personality will not change.
After all, sexual behavior seems to be a factor that causes dissociation, but if I pursue that, I will not be able to meet you, so I will try to endure it somehow.
Dissociation is semi-irreversible unless it is treated, so I may break down more and more.
I'm sorry if I'm getting more and more crazy. ”

Is that so.

Mac"Well, I'm really good at blowjobs, so I thought it wouldn't be strange for someone with a different personality to do that kind of work.
And when you say "as expected", do you mean something similar happened before?
Or was the underlying trauma sexual?
You don't have to force yourself to answer. I feel like I want to understand what I can understand."

It took me a while to reply.

Nao-chan"Hello, thank you for your hard work.
Thank you for trying to understand.You are so kind...! ! ︎
My personality doesn't change, and I don't have any sexual work experience! !
However, I don't think I mentioned it, but the number one cause of trauma was actually violence from teachers at school, including sexual violence.
What I am doing now is due to "trauma reenactment" (recreating a traumatic situation in the past, intentionally creating or jumping into a dangerous situation, or engaging in self-destructive behavior), and dissociation and self-destruction are unavoidable. ”

After this, Nao-chan sent me a number of documents with photos and URLs.Everything she quoted in her previous columns was taught by Nao-chan herself.Mac had no such expertise.

Mac“I see, so that’s what you mean.
In the material you sent me, it was written that "re-performing is an unconscious act of self-medication," and I've read similar things about PTSD.People who have been affected by sarin on the subway, or who dare to go to the subway station to make sure that it is safe and nothing will happen to relieve the trauma.
However, you also wrote that ``reenactments are mostly unsuccessful and cause even greater damage''.What is a powerful drug?
I will cooperate with you if possible.If you replay it well, you may be able to succeed in "self-treatment" without falling into estrangement and self-destructive behavior. ”

It means to get used to the traumatic act by touching it little by little (habituation).In the case of sexual trauma, it would be ethically difficult to do this as a medical treatment, but you can do it yourself.That is the proposal.
However, as I was writing this, a question arose in my mind.

Mac (postscript)“I wrote earlier that I will cooperate with the reenactment, but perhaps my deep psychology (unconsciousness) is not kindness, but just trying to sexually exploit Nao-chan. I don’t know myself.
But if that helps Nao-chan recover, it doesn't matter if I have good intentions or bad intentions.
The point is that you should gradually get used to the trauma by replaying it while adjusting it so that dissociation does not occur, right?
Another thing I want you to tell me is that we had a date in the diorama room.Did you dissociate after that?
If that's the case, I just thought of the possibility that the trauma is not so much about sexual behavior as it is about being left behind and thrown away."

The "certain question" I had was about my deep psyche.
I like a lot of perverted play, and I get the girls involved, but the girls seem to be satisfied and having fun as a whole, including the treatment.
I want all the girls to be happy, not just me.
I am a person with such kindness.
I was convinced of that.
But am I really "good"?
So I remembered the words of Code Geass at the beginning of (XNUMX).
―In this world, there is malice born of good intentions.There is goodness born of malice—
(Continue)