Love Vaccine Chapter XNUMX Good and Evil (XNUMX)

-Traumatic experiences have a powerful impact that is incomparable to that of other experiences.The traumatic experience makes it feel like their lives are covered in darkness.
To move forward, we need to shake off that darkness.Traumatized people therefore seek out experiences that overcome them.Repeat the same situation and try to do better this time.And by overcoming the predicament this time, he tries to regain strength and confidence in his life.In other words, they repeat similar scenes in an attempt to settle the past and self-healing ("repeated scenes").
These attempts occur unconsciously.Traumatized people consciously don't want to be hurt again.But despite this, subconsciously, he desires to regain his strength and confidence.
As a result, “reenactment (re-experiencing)” occurs along with tremendous conflict. "Why are you in such a place?" "Why are you such a person?"With the power of unconsciousness, you will be drawn into a dangerous scene helplessly.
And the most unfortunate thing is that most of these attempts at self-healing have failed.What remains as a result is the repetition of the trauma of being deeply hurt again, and it can be said that the reenactment caused by the power of the unconscious is extremely dangerous. ―

There was no reply from Nao-chan.
I added a question as if to try to dispel the self-doubt that had grown inside me.

Mr. Mac (postscript)"You've become accustomed to various sexual experiences through dad activities, and the sexual trauma you had as a student wasn't a big deal, so you want to dilute the trauma?
But does it hurt you more because you have a strong underlying concept of chastity?
Was the family Christian and strict about chastity?
Please let me know if it applies to you.
It's all out of place, and the correct answer is even more diagonally? ”

About half a day later, I got a reply from Nao-chan.

Nao-chan"You've thought about me a lot. Thank you.
I will reply to you one by one.
I think it's only natural that they are sexually exploiting you.In the beginning, I think that the relationship was created for the purpose of giving time and body in exchange for money, so I think it would be difficult to suddenly show affection to me, who had just met me. I think it's very natural to think about how to take full advantage of it and take it in a sexual direction.
I have no intention of denying Mr. △'s feelings, and I understand that he is being bought and encouraged for pleasure.I just accept it and do my best to respond to it.
Regarding dissociation, according to my doctor and counselor, what I am doing now cannot avoid dissociation, and I am doing what I am doing that will surely cause trauma in the future.
They are destroying their own lives with their own hands.
The replay is just an attempt by the person himself, and it does not lead to treatment as a result.
Reenactment does not make the trauma go away, nor does it improve symptoms.
Trauma reenactment is the act of trying to disguise the original trauma by layering trauma on top of trauma, struggling to somehow erase the trauma.
In other words, the reenactment of trauma not only deepens the trauma, but also exacerbates the condition.
By continuing treatment for about XNUMX years, flashbacks almost disappeared, and all symptoms such as depression, anxiety, and dissociation improved, and remission was approaching.
I myself don't know what's going on, but around the time I was getting closer to remission, I started working as a dad, and I met Mr. △ until now.
Back to Mr. △'s question.
After △ returned from the apartment, dissociation has occurred.
I'm sure that the trigger is sexual behavior, but as you said, I think there is also a factor in "being left behind and thrown away".
As a percentage, 9% and 8% are sexual behavior, and the remaining 2 minutes are left behind.
Perhaps there are other factors, and the percentage of being left behind may be higher than expected...
Mr. △'s > [Or maybe you've gotten used to various sexual experiences in dad activities, and the sexual trauma in junior high school wasn't a big deal, so you want to dilute the trauma? ] However, I was originally looking for someone who would only go out for meals and dates, not having any sexual intentions.
So I may not have intended to dilute trauma with trauma.
However, the fact that I tried to get involved with "a man" may have been working somewhere in the depths of my psychology trying to overcome men.
Because of my tendency to be easily swayed by people and things, before I knew it, I had a sexual relationship with Mr. △.
Sorry for the late reply.And sorry for the length.
Thank you for reading this far. ”

> I don't know what's going on myself, but ← unconsciously.
> Deep psychology trying to overcome men ← Replay
>Perhaps because of his personality that easily gets carried away by people and things
That's what it means.

Be honest.Reading this put me at ease.
No, let's be more honest.I thought it was tight.
Nao-chan said, "I think it's very natural to be able to take full advantage of it and think about how to take it in a sexual direction and enjoy it." they are giving me
at least in words.

“Trauma reenactments not only deepen the trauma, they only make the condition worse.”
My heart did not respond to this most important sentence.

It says, ``Reenactments occur because you try to self-medicate.''I'm sure there was a way to treat PTSD by gradually getting used to the traumatic act.By getting involved, you may be able to successfully “self-medicate”.
I thought it was convenient for me.

The rationality, which was clearly eroded by sexual desire and turned into a zombie, was thinking.I feel like a snail hijacked by leucochloridium.
(Continue)