A long time ago, I tried to start papa katsu, but I ended up quitting.

I didn't have confidence because I thought that only cute girls could earn money from dad activities.

I didn't realize that I was the one bound by the lookism of being cute or not cute, and I started to hate myself by degrading my own appearance.

I would like to write about the reason why I decided to start dad activities in the city of Tokyo.

The reason why I started dad life is simply because I didn't have money.

I was like a typical "young man aiming for a dream" who had come to Tokyo from the countryside to become a writer.

When I was in college, I lived in the Kansai region, but I was enrolled at the university for a total of 7 years, taking a leave of absence and repeating a year.

At that point, I felt like I was failing in life, and I believed it was impossible to dream of a normal life.

The reason why I took a leave of absence from university is that it didn't suit my skin.

I liked studying, but I didn't get along with the friends I met at that time, and I got into trouble and became depressed, so I ended up taking a leave of absence.

I entered the school straight, and I thought that graduating would also be straight, so when I took a leave of absence, it felt like my life was over.

Now that I think about it, taking a leave of absence isn't anything out of the ordinary, and if you can spend that time doing something else, isn't that a life experience?What do you think, but at that time I was already panicking.

I became a hikikomori and struggled with body dysmorphia, which developed during my college years.

By the way, dysmorphic phobia is the excessive fear and distress of minor imperfections in one's face or body.

A lot of girls are worried about it on Twitter, and it makes me think that for us, this body and face is something we will fight for the rest of our lives.

Aren't there many pj-sans who also suffer from body dysmorphia?

Not being able to accept ourselves is the only thing that hurts us, and we despair every time we look in the mirror every day.

I'm still living, desperately grabbing the hope that I can find in such days.

I still feel that way.

It took me about two years to recover from my hikikomori.

At that time, I couldn't even go outside, and I thought that if I walked down the street, everyone would laugh at me.

After recovering, I went to university without incident, but I continued to take medicine and go to the hospital, and I was unable to write my graduation thesis, so I had to repeat a year.

I really don't like writing my graduation thesis, so why don't I stop writing with Kimetsu no Yaiba in the end?It is completely black history to have issued a graduation thesis of the level.

I managed to graduate anyway.

However, my life plan remains insane and I still can't find a normal job.

The only thing I loved was writing.

Since keeping a diary was my hobby, I decided to write a long sentence as an extension of that.

And I decided to go to Tokyo, which I had longed for.

At that time, I had a part-time job, so I went to Tokyo with peace of mind, but what came was the "coronavirus."

A state of emergency was declared due to the sudden refraining from going out.

In a world where letters dance like never before in my life, I was dismissed.

I was in despair in a corner of Tokyo, in a room with the afternoon sun shining.

With no prospect of rent, I came up with Papa Katsu as a part-time job where I could earn money quickly.

Every day I worry about researching dad activities.

Around that time, I also learned that there are words like “adult” and “🛠”.

And the registered dad activity app is "Paters".

I registered the most smiling photo when I was a university student.

Now that I think about it, it might have been some kind of rebellion.

I was skeptical that I would be able to make use of what I had learned in a place called university.

and the message that came

"Adult, 1.5, Regular, please."

I also found out that it is much lower than the market price.

In the city of Tokyo, I felt like a price had been put on me, as if I had been lined up in a vegetable section.

However, even so, I was grateful that there were people who valued it.

It was a ray of hope for me.

But if I accept it at that price, everyone will be fine at that price.

So I ended up closing the app.

I'm sure someone who is familiar with this kind of thing can get money just for rice, but as a beginner I had no idea.

This is the reason why I started working as a dad.

After that, I was able to get the rent without incident by repeatedly working as a day laborer.

It was also greatly related to the fact that there were a lot of part-timers at the corona vaccine vaccination venue at that time.

For me, this city is a battlefield.

In a world overflowing with dreams and hopes, the city where the corpses lie.

A seesaw game is repeated in a night town lit by poisonous neon lights, and in a concrete jungle, cold human relationships and human feelings intersect.

In such a battlefield, for the sake of the future that I want to seize, I wear protective clothing and shoot guns every day.

I don't even know who lives next door, I live in a town where no one knows me.

When I think so, I feel like I'm going to turn up a little bit.

I love myself on the battlefield where no one protects me.

I am still fighting for that goal today.