This is Shigo Lee, a column writer.

You can call me Shingo or Shingori as you like.

 

　Last time I said that I was from the "Nampa neighborhood", but what I studied when I started picking up people was "Communication techniques".

　This time, I would like to share the theory and practice content that was immediately effective in myself.

 

Conversation between "boys" and "girls" has different rules

 

　Please try to imagine.

　A kendo club member wearing a kendo uniform holding a bamboo sword and a soccer club member in uniform holding a soccer ball. ?

 

　You can easily imagine that it won't work.

　This is because both are athletes in competitions with different rules.

 

　When people with completely different rules face each other, things don't go well if each other brings in each other's rules.

　In fact, this happens in conversations between men and women, so communication does not go well.

　
 

Case XNUMX: Talking about work according to men's rules

First, let's take a look at an example of a "rules for men" conversation.I'm talking about work here.

 

Male Boss: “How about today’s presentation materials? Since the person in charge has changed, I think they changed the taste by sending it to the new person in charge.”

Male Subordinate: “Yes, I heard that Mr. Toyoshima emphasized the vision rather than the feasibility, so I changed the second page and the fourth page and revised the material to emphasize the size of the vision.”

Male boss: “Thank you.

 

Isn't this conversation very masculine?

 

Case XNUMX: Talking about work according to women's rules

So what happens when you talk about work on the same topic with the rules for women?

 

Female Boss: “Didn’t you ask that the person in charge of today’s presentation materials be transferred to the new person in charge because the person in charge has changed?”

Female Subordinate: “I heard you!

Female Boss: “Thank you! It was hard work. Was there anything you didn’t understand?

 

I just used it as an easy-to-understand example, but in reality, women talk more like men at work.

It's a conversation that men don't seem to have.

If you're wondering, "Is Toyoshima-san's name wrong in the part where it's okay!?"I think this female boss will probably fix the materials later by herself lol.

 

Men's rules = "work rules"

Now that you've read this far, doesn't it seem silly to have conversations with women's rules?

 

The reason women's rule work conversations look silly isn't because women are actually idiots, but because women's rule conversations aren't "work-like."

And since talented women use "women's rules" to chat and "men's rules" to talk about work, you may not realize the difference in real life.

 

In other words, to put it simply, the rules for men's conversations are "work rules," and the rules for women's conversations are "rules for small talk."

 

　Many women use "rules for men" and "rules for women", but men always use "rules for work" when it comes to work and chatting.

In other words, only men are always following the "rules of work" as rules of conversation.

 

Men's conversations tend to emphasize "accurate information transmission" and "problem solving". "Exchange information" is the rule of conversation.

The human brain has not evolved much since the hunter-gatherer era, so it is still important to communicate "where are there dangerous beasts?"

 

On the other hand, in women's conversations, "empathy" and "atmosphere" are important, and "accurate information transmission" and "problem solving" mentioned in the rules for men are not emphasized.

This is because women in the hunter-gatherer era did not go out hunting much, and gathering and herd maintenance were important tasks.

 

Case XNUMX: Chatting according to men's rules

 

I have a man's chat, but I put a lot of emphasis on "accuracy of information" even though it's not even a job.

 

Man A: “The girl I hooked up with at the club yesterday was really erotic and the best.”

Man B: "How was it erotic? Play? Body?"

Man A: “He has a good body.”

Man B: "What an erotic body you have."

Man A: “Even though you have G-cup breasts, your waist is narrow.

Man B: "Fear, it's erotic like an AV!"

 

The tempo is kind of bad, but isn't this what real men's conversations are like?You get excited about numbers, descriptions, and information.

 

Case XNUMX: Chatting according to women's rules

 

What if this is gender-reversed?

 

Woman A: "Yesterday, the handsome guy you switched to at the club was really erotic and dangerous."

Woman B: “That’s crazy (laughs).”
Woman A "Seriously healing"
Woman B: “Really, it’s really healing, isn’t it?”

 

For the time being, the focus is on conveying emotions, and the emphasis is on what the other person thinks rather than the details of the story.It is the rule of women's conversation to exchange a lot of information in the air and in a short time.

 

Let's talk with men according to "women's rules"

There are girls who often say, "I can't go to a hotel even though I don't know each other yet." Thank you.

 

When women say, "I can't go to a hotel because I don't know each other yet," it's not because they don't know each other's correct information, but because they don't know how you feel.

 

This is my experience, but even if I pick up a woman and go to the hotel, neither I nor the other person can remember the entire flow of the conversation.

There are some topics that I remember, but basically there is only "flow" and not all "accumulation of correct information".

This means that what is important in deepening the relationship between men and women is not "what was said", but only "what kind of atmosphere was created".

 

And if it's not about work, just creating a better atmosphere between men and women, the "rules of chat" are better.Accurate information is almost useless for sex.

 

Start today!

I will teach you some effective methods of communication.

 

<3> Silence up to XNUMX seconds.

Answers don't have to be boring or accurate, so keep silence for up to 3 seconds and basically keep the conversation going.

At this time, don't think that you can't be wrong or that you can't say stupid things.Focus on tempo.

When women hear something boring, they forget it.But if the tempo of the conversation slows down, it drags on until the conversation ends.

 

When asked, "What is your job?", it is forbidden to say something like, "I'm a company employee, but I'm a half-sole proprietor--to be precise, I'm a consultant planner...".

If you are asked, "What is your job?", it is better to answer immediately and jokingly, "Do you basically make a living by picking up empty cans? What about 〇〇-chan?"

 

<XNUMX> The premise is “empathy and affirmation”

Affirmation of emotions is the basis for small talk.To do that, we need “empathy”.

 

What is the correct response when someone says, "It's really hot today, but my boss asked me to walk a long distance to go shopping!"

 

"Where? How far? How many meters?" "How long did you walk?"Based on this information that the other party has conveyed, let's anticipate and answer "What did you think after that?"

 

When you make this statement, what you want the other person to say is a statement that affirms yourself for doing that action.

 

"Did you walk and go shopping even though it was hot?"

 

"It was hard!"

"You're working really hard"

"Hey, is your boss a demon?"

 

"Empathy," "praise," and "speech for anger" would be good.

Even if you miss it, the other person will talk more and correct it, so it's okay to guess, so let's go ahead.

 

<XNUMX> Magic words "Aren't you great?"

Women's conversations basically do not hurt each other on the spot.Complimenting each other is the rule, because women's rule communication is only for mutual affirmation.

 

As mentioned above, I wrote that it is important to "anticipate" what the other person wants to say, but there are words that can be the optimal solution by "anticipating".
 

If it's a story about the other person acting, "Isn't it great?"

 

Since the other person is telling a personal story because they want to be praised for their greatness, it is this direct compliment, "Isn't it great?"

 

Please try using it.

This time, I talked about direct know-how, but next time, I would like to talk about lessons learned based on my past.