[Three points for success in a dating club Part XNUMX-Facing "tension"]
Thank you for reading this column.I am an adventure merchant.
In Part XNUMX, which I wrote last time, I talked about what "success" is in a dating club.
This time, I would like to write about how to deal with "tension".
It can be used not only for dates, but also for work situations.
I would appreciate it if you could refer to those who read it.
This time's theme: How to deal with "tension"
Both men and women will be nervous on their first date.
What kind of person are you?Will the conversation be lively?Will I be hated?Are you satisfied with the store you chose?It's exciting, isn't it?
As I wrote in the first part, about two months after I started a dating club, I was set up with nearly 2 people, but no matter how many times I went on dates, my first date was still exciting. is.
And the more you like a woman, the more your heart will pound before you meet her for the second or third time.
When listening to various people's stories, there are voices such as "I was so nervous that my mind went blank and I couldn't have a conversation at all...".
This time, I would like to summarize how we should face "tension".
It's wrong to think that you shouldn't be nervous
This is my personal theory, but don't think that you shouldn't be nervous.
It's more correct to be nervous.
At first glance, the word "get nervous" looks like a word that indicates a bad situation.
However, if you replace the word "get nervous" with "increased tension," the nuance will change dramatically.
While the word "borrow" sounds negative, if you put it in other words, "I was able to raise funds from others through credit", it is similar to receiving a positive impression of a good company. Isn't it?
Not just on dates, but important business negotiations, interviews, exams, etc., it's impossible to not be in high spirits at all.
In such a place, it is impossible to be in exactly the same tension and psychological situation as when you are relaxing at home in your pajamas on a holiday, and if you are in such a psychological situation, the scene is not a failure in the first place. Is not it.
Please try to imagine.
・A scene in which a company that has no interest in you talks about its products and services a lot and says, "I definitely want to form a business alliance with your company."
・I didn't study anything at all, and just applied for the exam as a memorial.
・ A scene where you are going on a date alone with someone of the opposite sex who doesn't suit you at all.
In these situations, you don't need to be particularly nervous.You're just wasting your time unfortunately.
In other words, tension is a psychological state that comes out because you are seriously working on the thing or you recognize it as an opportunity for yourself.
Therefore, being nervous right now should be recognized as "successful" as an entry point.
If you think, "Oh, I'm more nervous than usual today..."
It's good to have a train of thought that says, "Yeah, today is a good day. I met such a wonderful woman that makes me nervous."
Don't think, "Let's not be nervous."
Being nervous is a straightforward change and movement in your feelings, so if you try to forcibly suppress it, you will end up in a strange situation.
In my heart, I don't want to do this kind of work, but I've got a job, so I'm going to have to work even if I don't like it. is essentially the same as
The movements of the heart should not be forcibly closed.
What is the correct way to stress
Well, even though I said it was okay to be nervous, the tension turned my head blank and I couldn't say anything.It's a pity that we weren't able to respond properly.
It is important to keep yourself in a state of being nervous and (or rather) improving your performance.This state of affairs can be called "correct tension."
Well, what should I do specifically to bring it to the right tension state?
I would like to write it for reference.
(XNUMX) First of all, acknowledge and accept the situation in which you are nervous, and be conscious of "it's okay to be nervous" and "it's a good meeting to make you nervous."
② Next, you should express it to your partner.
You could say, "I'm really nervous today. I met a really nice girl."
③ And the conversation with the other party will start, isn't it?
It would be nice if you could ask good questions and have a flowy conversation, but sometimes both of you will be silent, or the angle of the question is not very good and the conversation will not continue.
At this time, I don't think you need to worry too much about "Let's talk well" or "It's bad, you're silent".
The other person will naturally feel that you are trying hard to talk while you are nervous. It's totally fine if you don't know how to carry a .
If you're nervous, it's okay to stay nervous, but if you just focus on "I want to entertain the other person" and enjoy the date, I think you'll usually succeed.
It is a selfish way of thinking that I want others to look cool.
You don't have to be able to speak smart and cool. This is because it is important to think from the other person's point of view, "I want to entertain the other person."
Finally, one more thing.
When I go on a date, I write things like so-called winning strategies on the internet and in books.
In order to prevent you from getting nervous, the idea is to create a pattern to some extent and proceed in a fixed manner so that you don't get nervous.
I don't think this will work.
Because there are various types of women, but no one woman is exactly the same.
And yet, I think it's completely nonsense to think like, "Oh, today's women look like XX types, so let's proceed with XX patterns."
You don't have to be nervous and a little awkward.
It may be easy to fit into a pattern and move forward with a familiar feeling, but I think it will be a pretty painful minus point that you don't see the other woman as an "individual".
I would like to continue to deepen my relationship with beautiful women while feeling excited and nervous.