Repeated Impermanence Sexual Impulse Revived

Repeated Impermanence Sexual Impulse Revived

(Quoted from zazen boys Hidenori Mukai)

 

ZAZEN BOYS is a band formed mainly by Hidenori Mukai after the dissolution of NUMBER GIRL.I've been following you since the beginning.

I remember going to see a live performance at a long-established live house in Kyoto (a live house built by renovating a sake brewery) before releasing a CD.

A representative phrase that Mr. Mukai has various lyrics.That is "repeated impermanence".

By the way, in the songs of NUMBERGIRL and ZAZENBOYS, it seems that the phrase "repeating impermanence" or "repeating impermanence" appears about XNUMX times.

And the phrase that often follows "repeated impermanence" is "reviving sexual impulses".

When I was a student, I just listened to those words in a casual atmosphere.

Less than XNUMX years have passed since then, and I never thought that these words would become so deeply felt.

 

Repeated Impermanence Sexual Impulse Revived

 

This is what my daddy life is all about.

Dad life fulfills various desires.You can have a lot of fun experiences.But in the end, I feel like there is nothing left behind.I feel empty.Even though he knows that, his sexual urges are revived and he schedules another date.This is repeated over and over.

How many times will this continue? (laughs)

 

By the way, do you know what impermanence means?

 

What is impermanence

"Shogyo impermanence" is one of the three Dharma seals of Buddhism "Shogyo impermanence", "Shoho no self" and "Nirvana serenity".

"Shogyo Mujou" means that everything in the world changes, and the fate of being born and disappearing is repeated, and nothing stays the same forever.In other words, life is fleeting and empty.

By the way, "various" means all things in the universe. "Gyo" is to change and flow. "Mujyo" means that everything is equal to nothing, emptiness (emptiness without having anything).

Things keep changing.This “change” can be both positive and negative.We believe that change is necessary and that change itself is neither good nor bad.In other words, if you have a fixed view that it is good not to change and bad to change, you will be trapped in the fear of losing what you have gained.

When we fail, we become sad, and when we succeed, we rejoice and our hearts change.They are imperfect creatures.However, if we understand impermanence,Good or bad, everything is changing because I need itAnd you can accept the truth as it is.

In other words, even if it is a bad event, you can change the way you perceive it depending on your perspective and way of thinking. The idea of ​​"Shogyo Mujou" gives us the power to change this situation for the better.

 

I'm going to explain the others because it's a lot of trouble.

“Shoho muga” means that “everything in the world is connected to each other, and nothing is independent as an individual.”

We tend to have the illusion that we are living on our own, but our existence would not exist without the existence of our parents and grandparents.Even if you look around you, everything from food to buildings to tableware can be found in front of you because there are manufacturers and sellers in the background. .

But if it was human.In other words, "meeting with others" leads to various contradictions and troubles.We can feel it as suffering.

However, it is natural to have such suffering.I think that it is natural to worry.If you try to think that way, you will find yourself with a preconceived notion, with a fixed, narrow view.

We live in mutually beneficial relationships, and no one can exist alone.in shortBoth good and bad relationships come to merelated out of necessityIt is.This is the teaching of “Shoho no self”.

 

And if you can understand the laws of ``impermanence of all things'' and ``no self of all things'', you will always find hope and live a peaceful life no matter what changes occur in your life.That is "Nirvana".

There is no suffering, no worries, the state of being resolved is not "nirvana serenity", but "let's try to change for the better", "because we have each other, let's make it better together". By living with feelingsWhile having contradictions and conflicts, you can move forward in your life by deepening your worries.that's true happinessThat's what I'm saying.

 

This seems to be the case.

yes.I feel like I can understand it when I have room in my heart.

 

However, only the impermanence of all things can be understood by feeling.

Daddy life for me is impermanence.Even though the relationship is going smoothly, it suddenly becomes empty and unsatisfactory.Sometimes a woman suddenly dumps me before I'm unsatisfactory.

Daddy life.There seems to be "something that follows ahead" there, but there is nothing.No, as long as you keep giving the allowance, you can say "yes".However, as a matter of course, there is no dating without allowance here.

I don't think seniors who have too much money will have such worries.Because as long as you have the allowance, you can continue to turn.

But I'm afraid I'll run out of money someday.Someday you will run out of money, or you won't be able to spend money on fun.In other words, you will be cut off from the woman.For me, who recognizes that as a premise, this activity is "Always making memories (past) in real time, it's like making only memories of the past that don't always connect to the future.

That's why I think I'm going to pursue "something that continues ahead" even if I run out of money.That's why there are things that can't be done well on the ring of this dating club (laughs)

 

I'm in this mode, but today I'm heading to the Shibuya branch of Universe Club.

From the club "I want you to cooperate with an interview with a certain female writerBecause there was a request.

I am indebted to President Kida and all the staff, so I responded to the interview with two replies.

At the time of the interview, I was only dating one woman from Univa.At that time, one of them felt that something was about to end.It is no longer the past that it was in good condition with smooth dating with black women.

I'm honestly worried that it's okay to be in such a tattered state.Even the writer will be disappointed.Anyway, I wanted to be interviewed when I was at my best.There is nothing to talk about except sad episodes (laughs)

While thinking about such things, I arrived at the Shibuya branch.The staff will greet you and lead you to your room.

After a while, the writer came in.I stood up and said hello, and the interview started immediately.

When asked, "What kind of relationship are you in?", if I say, "I'm the only one. That's about to end."

The interview will start right after the chat.

 

Written by "Well then, first of all, could you tell me how you first became acquainted with your wife?"

I said, "... um...

 

· · ·

 

no! ?Do you have any questions? (smile)

 

Getting acquainted with your wife

I met my wife for the first time when I was a student.She was told by a senior in college,There's a girl who wants to be friends with you, so come over to my house on ○ day.It all started when I went to my senior's house.

At that time, I was a band man who was sharp with music.In the light sound circle I belonged to, I had a certain presence, but at the time I was a jackknife, so I looked at the girls in the circle with a cold eye.I have no intention of doing music, if you just want a boyfriend, go somewhere else.It is like this.

In the circle, I was in charge of PA (music equipment), but I became a vocalist for a girl band that was in high spirits."Excuse me. Could you turn up the volume a little more?"If you say“If you’re a vocalist, speak louder.”replied coldly.

from girls"Let's form a band together!"I was once asked to do so, so I tried forming a band.I'm serious about music, so I memorize the songs and go to studio practice in perfect condition, but the girl who invited me can't remember the songs at all.When I was frustrated and frustrated, the girl cried and left the studio.The band then disbanded.After that, I never formed a band with a woman again (laughs).

Because I was responding like this, I was not popular with the girls in the same circle (laughs)

Band activities were also stoic, but on the other hand I was also a DJ at a club.I was also serious and stoic.In general, club DJs may have the impression of being flirtatious, but there are many club events where music lovers gather, not just fun club events.Of course, serious DJs also exist.

At that time, I had the face of a band man and a club DJ.Within the circle, I had a "discomfort" that was hard to get close to, but it seems that the girls from other music circles can see me well, and this time I was introduced to a senior girl from another music circle.

I said, "Thank you."

When I entered the senior's room, there were two girls there. A is a girl who wants to be friends with me. Mr. B is just a friend who was accompanied by Mr. A.

(Mr. B has a type burn, what should I do?)

That's what I thought when I met my first wife.

Yes, Mr. B is now my wife.

 

At that time, Ms. B (hereafter referred to as "wife") said that she had a boyfriend at the time, so I didn't approach her.From there, take a fierce approach, maybe the fifth confession?She finally got an okay and went out with him.

When I went out with her, it was unexpected that she was such a difficult woman.Anyway, I'm jealous and scared when I get angry.too scary.Seriously scary.

I had a fight with my wife on the campus of the university, and I was chased around by my wife and ran away.Jackknife's performance is ruined.

Even if I say goodbye, I can't say goodbye.It's a ratchet.I can't break up even if I talk to him, so I've run away several times.I've run away from home several times since I got married, so"First Escape"Is it?

At that time, I was living in my parents' house, but after dating my wife, I was confined to my wife's house.Confinement state that is not allowed to play with male friends.The only time I'm allowed to go out is when I'm working part-time.

Me: "I'm going to work part-time! I'll contact you when I'm done!"

So I left my wife's house, threw my mobile phone in the Kamo River (Kyoto) and ran back to my parents' house.I've never taken my wife to my parents' house, so I shouldn't know my parents' house address.

Also changed mobile number.After that, if you hide from your wife like a ninja in college, like Snake in Metal Gear Solid, you can escape.I thought so.

Move around the campus while being cautious.I spent a few days like that, but I was relieved that I had finally escaped without encountering my wife.

A few days later, during my part-time job, my mother repeatedly called me on my new mobile phone.If you turn around during a part-time break...

 

Mother: “Dude, did you do something complicated? A girl suddenly came to see me and asked me to get in touch with you.”

 

How come you know my home address! ?

 

I shudder.I get goosebumps.

Did you take a look at your driver's license?what is it

Actually, this is still a mystery that I am too scared to ask my wife.

Even though I changed my cell phone number, I will be contacting my wife from the new cell phone.The first escape ended in failure.

I called my wife while being nervous, but she seems to be weak and reflecting.She said she wanted to meet me once and talk.

The designated place is a fashionable cafe along the Kamo River in Kitayama.

 

I still remember.that feeling.

When I found my wife sitting in the seat, I felt uncomfortable and sat in the chair in front of me.The moment I sat on that chair and saw my wife.

 

(Oh, you can't escape from this guy.)

 

That feeling of giving up on running away.

I gave up the moment I sat down, not the result of the discussionthat feeling.

 

The chairs in that cafe are seats on the limited express train that doesn't stop on the way to marriagewas.I arrived at the end point of "marriage" without being able to move with my seat belt firmly fixed.

It's been XNUMX years since we started dating.It's early.

 

My wife's personality shouldn't change so suddenly.

bondage.Obsession.It's a tough thing to think about normally.I was so tired that I ran away twice or three times.However, on the other hand, there is also a self who is dependent on the sense of security of bondage and obsession.

つ ま りI will never be able to say goodbye to my wife.It's also reassuring in a way.

 

My wife throws all her emotions at me.It's a tough thing to think about normally.But on the other hand, my wife has no secrets about her feelings or actions towards me.

つ ま りMy wife never lies to me.Even if it's a fact that hurts me, I'll hit it as it is.It's painful, but it's also reassuring in a way.

 

Like this, when I noticed, I found myself happily talking about my first acquaintance with my wife.

 

Written by "Do you still love your wife?"

I said, "Well, I still like it somehow."

Work"Then why are you registered in the dating club?"

 

· · ·why? (smile)

 

why?Why?

Since this is a rare opportunity, I will think about it carefully rather than answering appropriately.

 

・When I was a student, I started band activities because I liked music.She should have been happy and noisy, but she pretends to be a jackknife.On the other hand, he works as a club DJ.

・I have a family.Work is a tough industry and work is serious.At work, I don't show any pretense that I'm playing.On the other hand, they are playing in the dating club.

First, immerse yourself in what you are interested in.There is such a side, but the root feeling is "I want to have two sides", "I want to do something different from others", "I am different from other people around me". To do.

 

"Interest" "Duality" "Differentiation from others"

 

Maybe that's why I'm hanging out at the dating club.

"One of the hobbies" that can be continued because there is energy called "libido" that does not run out

This is probably the position of the dating club for me.

If I can have other hobbies that I can immerse myself in, maybe I don't need a dating club.

It was a thought-provoking interview.

 

Work"Thank you for today!"

Me: “I’m sorry for talking about myself so much.

 

After leaving the Shibuya branch of Universe Club, I head straight to Shibuya Donki to buy some sex toys for my later date.

I think while examining adult toys with a straight face.

 

Now then, what about future activities? (laughs)

 

About future activities

Shortly after this interview, the remaining black women are also cut.

I hurriedly put in about XNUMX new offers, but half of them didn't feel right and I turned them down, and half of them turned me down before I started dating.

Around this time, my interest in "papa katsu" gradually faded.

I don't know what to doJust as I was thinking, what attacked me was...

 

letter of transfer

 

Even if I want to say goodbye, I don't even have a single daddy girl I'm dating in the first place (laughs)

Univa's membership will expire at the end of March, and I'm worried about it.

The transfer destination is Osaka."Flag Maker Osaka Edition"Do you want to slow down your activity pace and continue your activities?Would you like to withdraw?am worried.

No, but before that.Before I transfer, I realize there are things I need to do.Don't think about quitting or anything like that until after you've done that.

I don't have a single daddy girl I'm dating, but to me,

 

① Sexy actress who made a relationship on her own

② A double affair partner who continues to have a lazy relationship

③ Former dating partner who seriously confessed in the past (currently married and giving birth)

④ Former dating partner I really like (currently Iitomo)

⑤ Romanee-san, a former respondent friend, and a junior girl who is cute

 

It is necessary to say "a farewell greeting" with such women.

Over the past few years, their homes and situations have changed.So this MarchFrom Tohoku to northern Kanto, the Chubu region, and up to Minato Ward in Tokyo.I'm going on a farewell pilgrimage.

I don't know if there will be drama or if there will be nothing, but there will be some kind of change in relationships, good or bad.

Everything is impermanent, but everything needs to be connected and related.

I got one appointment.After that, just do your best.I can't wait to see what kind of trip it will be.I will report on it in my next column.

 

Nam Nam