[Three points for success in a dating club Part XNUMX-The spirit of "for the other person" and "my fault"]

Thank you for reading this column.I am an adventure merchant.

I wrote the points to succeed in the dating club in the first part and the second part.

In this time of "Part XNUMX", the point arrangement is completed once.

This time, I would like to write about the spirit of "for others" and "my fault".
 

Specific examples of "for the sake of others" and "my fault"

Let's start by looking at specific examples of the concept of "for the other party" and "my fault", which is the key to success in a dating club.


〇For the other party

I have already written about this in my previous column, so I will omit a lot of it, but it is good to think about "for the other person", such as the content of the conversation, the frequency of contact on the line after meeting, etc. prize.

Never give priority to the thought that "I want to do XX".

It's even worse if you hide what you want to do and act like it's for the sake of the other person.


For example,

when she doesn't reply
"〇〇chan. I haven't heard from you, but are you okay? I'm worried."
"I'm thinking about various things for 〇〇-chan. Please contact me once."

Etc. I write it in the style of "for the other party", but let's stop doing this.

No, after all, I just want to get in touch with the other party.

I just want a reply from the other party.

It will be said.



o My fault

・Let's say that the other party is late for the meeting time.
In such a case, it would be nice if you could naturally think, "Oh, it was difficult to find the meeting place I set."


・Let's say that the other person's eating manners were not done.
In such a case, you should start to think, "I was too enthusiastic to talk to a young girl suddenly, and I didn't think about the other person. I didn't do anything wrong."


・When the other party does not accept the invitation after the meal, or when the line or email communication is interrupted.
You should think, "XNUMX%, it's because I wasn't attractive."


・Let's say that a woman asks you to help with a lump sum of money in the form of an advance loan.
At times like this, let's think, "I didn't have the eyes to see that kind of woman."
 

This spirit makes the other person feel "comfort" as an adult and leads to good encounters.

For example, if we take the example of "Lady late".

Certainly, it would not be a good impression for a man to see a woman late for a meeting (especially for the first meeting).

However, if you take that one thing and decide that you are a sloppy woman and start with a negative mindset, dating will never be fun.

She may be really looking forward to meeting you, and she may have spent more time on makeup and choosing clothes than usual.


He was busy with work the day before, so he may be very sleepy today, but he may have been looking forward to a date with you and responded to the setting.

Considering such a possibility, casually

"I'm sorry for specifying a place that is a little difficult to understand."If you can say something like that, I'm sure women will feel the size of your pocket.

Of course, some people are really lazy (laughs).

But you can tell by the conversation and atmosphere after meeting that "it's a little different~", right? !

I think that what you shouldn't do when dating at a dating club is to "prioritize judgments that are applied to a fixed mold above all else."


"I'm late" → "Yes. Sloppy woman"

“Reply to line etc. is slow” → “Yes.

"Conversation doesn't last" → "Yes. It means that the feeling doesn't match."


It should not be applied to a type such as

Of course, these things are "one determining factor" for whether you can build a long-lasting relationship of trust with the other woman or whether the feeling matches, but they are just one factor. I think it's wrong to judge everything.



Just at a job interview for a new employee.

"High school graduate" → "Yes. Person with low ability"

“Many people have changed jobs” → “Yes. People who are not serious about their work”

It's the same as it's not good to be judgmental like.


Educational background, occupation, age, length of time registered in the club, expression on the day, conversation, line and email exchanges after meeting...

All of these things should be considered as a whole, and you should judge that "I can't be with this person for a long time" or "I can't do it". It's really a waste.


The way we look at people and how we like them can change in an instant.

That's why you should be conscious of having an eye to see as comprehensively as possible.

Next, I would like to write a short story to help you understand that "the way you see people changes dramatically".
 

One Story ~Stolen Potato Chips~

I don't remember where I heard or saw it, but one story has left a strong impression on me.

Based on what I remember, I wrote an original column style (laughs)

The subtitle is given by me, but I named it ~The story of stolen potato chips~.

・ ・ ・ ・ ・ ・ ・ ・ ・ ・ ・ ・

One day, I was on the bullet train from Shin-Osaka to Tokyo.


Green car today.

I'm tired from the hard work these days, so I'm grateful for the green car where I can sit comfortably.


Kyoto is over, next is Nagoya.

It seems that he had taken a nap.

I stared blankly at the flowing night view from the window seat.


I'm hungry.

Oh yeah, let's eat my favorite potato chips.

When I board the Shinkansen, I always buy consomme-flavored potato chips.

I reached out with my left hand, put my hand inside the bag, and brought one to my mouth.

Usual taste.Yup, it's delicious.

And one more.


I suddenly realized.

A man sitting in the aisle stares at me.

What?

It looks to be around 50 years old...

He's well-groomed, and even if he's not handsome, he's at least dandy.

But even if you look good, there are perverts, so you have to be careful.

I'm still looking at this

Are you a stalker?


And the next moment...

"!!!!!!"

The man's right hand stretched out and came inside mine.

He took out a potato chip from the bag on my left.

Then, without saying a word, he put the potato chips into his mouth.


what?

Did you want to eat potato chips that much?

If so, buy it yourself (well, consommé flavor isn't sold very often...), and if you want it, just say "please"!


In my heart, I was greatly disturbed.

I wanted to warn him, but it would be a problem if he punched me in this narrow space next to each other.

Without saying a word, I reached out for a potato chip and slowly savored another one.


Then he also took out one and ate it.

I'm the oneNext is him.And again me, him, me

An indescribably strange rally of potato chips continued for a while.

Before long, with the one I took out, the potato chips were gone.

The Shinkansen arrived at Nagoya.

Apparently this strange (and blunt and selfish) man is getting off in Nagoya.

He neatly dressed himself and quickly picked up the empty bag of potato chips.

"Thank you," I said without hesitation.

"thank you"?No, I'm grateful that you threw away the empty bag, but normally, the person who let me eat should thank you...

The man heard my words of thanks and smiled.

And in the end, he didn't say anything, just bowed lightly and left.


The Shinkansen began to run smoothly again.


Shin-Yokohama next?

He was a strange man, though.

I was nervous because there was a strange person next to me, and I was thirsty because I was eating nothing but potato chips.

Yes, there should have been tea in the bag.

let's see·····


"!"



“!!!!!!”



"a!?"



"be···"


Inside the bag was a brand new potato chip consommé flavor.


What do you mean? ? ? ?


In other words, I was eating that man's potato chips without permission! !


Waking up from a nap, I reached out to the man's potato chips without hesitation, ate them deliciously, and continued eating without hesitation even if he stared at me.

That's the truth! ?


I'm a weirdo!


By the way, that man is a kind person.


Without saying anything until the end, he even threw away the empty bag and left with only a refreshing smile.


I wonder if we can meet again

I will definitely fall in love with you. .


...




How was it?

Isn't this an example that shows how dangerous it is to judge a person by looking only at a certain part (laughs)?
 

An essential spirit even when ending a relationship

By the way, the spirit of "for the other person" and "my fault" is also effective when you want to end the relationship with the other person.

As a man, I am very honored, but when I meet many women, some say, "I want to continue dating," and some say, "Is this the end?"

This is natural and can't be helped.


The female side likes the male side and wants to continue.

But the man wants to end the relationship.

At times like this, I think you should end it properly if you think about the other person.

Even though I'm obviously cold and I'm aware that I won't be able to continue the relationship that the woman wants.

If you have a vague response with the idea of ​​"well, let's keep it for now," it's hard for women to take the plunge and move on.

Securing time for a date with you means that time will inevitably be deprived of time for dates with other wonderful men.

And such a response will eventually invite trouble with the other party, and it will bounce back to yourself.


It is important to refuse firmly because you think about the other party.

Of course, as a way of refusing, I think it's a bit too cold to say something like "I didn't like your XX part, so I'm cold".
(There may be cases where such a response is better, but please think about it yourself).

I would like you to devise ways to avoid hurting the other person as much as possible and not to waver in your decision to "end".

Even if the woman to whom you declared "Let's not see each other anymore" contacts you a few months later saying "I can't forget you after all. I want to see you", basically don't reply. not.

"Wow~. It wasn't that I didn't like it, so I got an email again, and I just wanted to meet up with her~"

I don't think it's a good idea to reply something like, "I'm happy to receive your email after a long time. Let's meet again."

Unless you really want to build a new relationship with that person, I don't think it's fun to continue half-heartedly.


Above, I wrote the points to succeed in the dating club for me.

Of course, my opinion is not absolutely correct.

However, we should not forget that whether at work or in a social club, it is a person-to-person relationship.

By continuing to make an effort to see the other person as an individual, you will also be able to be seen by the other person as an individual.


I hope you are blessed with many wonderful encounters.