Love Vaccine Episode 116 “Good and Evil” Afterword

"Good and Evil" will conclude in episode 20, but some of you may be wondering what happened to Nao-chan after that.
I wrote and posted episodes 1 to 20 all at once in April, so it took more than half a year to post them all.
During that time, I never met Nao-chan, but we continued to exchange lines intermittently.
I say intermittent because my lines sometimes go unread and I don't get any responses. However, after about 2 months, it becomes marked as read, and I receive another line from the other side. something like that.
Apparently, she broke up with a single man.
We started talking about meeting again, and decided on a date, but Nao-chan canceled at the last minute.
This kind of exchange happened twice.
Below is the most recent line.

Nao-chan: "Good evening. It's been a long time. I hope Mr. △ is doing well...? It's been a while since I've contacted you, so I'm nervous."

Mac: "I was worried. Are you doing well?"

Nao-chan: ``Thank you.If I were to say whether I have energy or not, I don't think I have enough energy compared to the average healthy person.However, I feel like I'm just a little bit more energetic than before. , I thought I'd like to meet Mr. △...Would you please meet me again?"

Mr. Mac: "Of course it's okay. When is the best time? The latest is XX days and nights."

Nao-chan: “I understand. In that case, I would like to have your time on X days and nights.”

Mac: “Are you going to stay at a love hotel like before?”

Nao-chan: "I'll do it if my family doesn't get suspicious. It's been a while since I've seen you, so I'm really nervous...but I'm looking forward to meeting you."

The next day I got a line like this:

Nao-chan: ``Thank you for your hard work. I love you very much and have many fond memories of you, but I have great remorse and conflict about giving up my own body, so in the future I will not be able to do it myself.'' I would like to refrain from giving away my body.
I love Mr. △, and I don't have bad memories of him. However, I decided that I wanted to live a clean life, and that I wanted to make it on my own no matter what. I really like and respect Mr. △ both as a man and as a person, so I would like him to be by my side as a friend, a senior in my life, or a father figure. but…"

Mr. Mac: ``I think that's a good thing.''There is a saying that ``the past cannot be changed,'' but it has always been my theory that it can actually be changed.Moreover, ``The future rewrites the past.'' I believe that you can only change things by doing things.
If Nao-chan wants to erase the sexual aspects of our relationship, I will cooperate. I will completely erase any videos I previously shot, and I will also erase the sexual parts from my own memories. I would rewrite my own memory to say, ``We met on a dinner date, heard about dissociative disorders and became interested in him, and as we met many times and listened to his stories, we became good friends as people.''
For now, let's cancel the talk on ○ day and night. If you think about it and try to be a father a little more, that's fine, but even in that case, I think the final exit is to ``rewrite each other's memories (after rubbing them together).''
Personally, I would like to see if my involvement in this way will make the dissociative child better or worsen, making the symptoms more severe. Is it possible for a child with sexual trauma to have a similar sexual relationship?
How are your symptoms of dissociation lately? I think it's natural to have depression, but this is something that can't be helped if the illness lasts for a long time, and the problem is more the dissociation and flashbacks.
Or, would it be better for you to accept the way things are without denying your past, including your sexual relationship with me, and then build a new relationship with me? If so, that's the healthiest thing.
In fact, if that's possible, Nao-chan would probably be cured by now, right? ”

Nao-chan: ``I think it would be better to build a new relationship by accepting things as they are without denying the past.''
I believe that memories can be rewritten to suit each other's needs as much as possible through strong beliefs and autosuggestion. That's not something an ordinary person can do, but...
However, I think this is not good for the health of either person, as they are intentionally causing dissociation and rewriting their memories.
It would be relatively easy to rewrite memories if it was just one-sided, but I think it would be more difficult to match the settings of two people and make them work well together, and both parties would be deceiving their past selves. I think it means taking risks.
Above all, I think it's fine if you just deceive yourself, but when it comes to problems between the two of you, it's difficult.
This means that they involve and deceive other people (the other person), and they become the ones who cause dissociation in the other person, and become the real villains themselves.
It's dissociated, but it's still there.
However, although it is still a slow pace, I feel like I have improved to some extent.
As for whether trauma can be overwritten by trauma, the general answer is absolutely "NO."
My case is not limited to this, and I can't take it either way.
In my case, when I got money, had a meal, or had a deep conversation, the device probably judged that the ``profit'' was greater than the ``profit'' (emotions), or the ``gain'' got better or worse. Aside from the objective fact of what happened, I didn't feel bad about it.
And because I had survived in adversity, I had acquired an almost excessive ability to adapt, and I was able to adapt even in such situations.
However, as an objective fact, it seemed like things were only going to get worse and worse.
It just so happens that I'm not currently experiencing any trauma, but at the time I'm trying to get involved in this way, my past has become a trauma, and since there's nothing I can do about it, it may be part of my behavior to try to rewrite it. No, this itself could be called a re-performance.
Or maybe they are mentally unstable and are simply looking for help, or maybe they have human feelings and memories and want to be friends and continue their relationship. , it may be the result of a combination of these, and it cannot be easily expressed.
If any of the women you are dealing with in the future or currently have any trauma, please do not let them come into contact with the trauma, and do not allow them to enter the world of prostitution (I know this sounds direct, but it is a daddy activity). I think the best thing to do is to not let them delve into the world of sex any further and to bring them back into the light.
If I were to paraphrase this to Mr. △, it would be, ``There is no curse on the god who does not touch.''
For some people, traumatized children are difficult to understand at first glance, and from the perspective of the men who buy them, I think they look very attractive, delicious, and unusual.
But I think it's forbidden fruit and has opened Pandora's box.
If he were just an ordinary male with little empathy and shallow thinking who exploited sex freely and hedonistically, he would devour women without knowing about their trauma, but Mr. △ is different.
She is very curious and takes an interest in women's medical conditions.
That's dangerous. Both of them collapse, or the girl collapses.
Treating mental illness requires extraordinary energy and unwavering faith, and touching it out of curiosity can be extremely dangerous for both parties.
Mr. △ in particular may not be aware of it, but he seems to have suffered a lot of trauma himself, so I am very worried that his future will be worse. I'm here.
In the treatment of trauma, especially sexual trauma, it is important to ``never allow the person to come into contact with'' the factors that evoke it, and this is a concept that can never be reconciled with the sexual world of ``daddy life''.
As you can clearly see from my example, the person in question acts like a volunteer for a kamikaze corps, or like a summer bug that flies into a fire, because of his/her helpless reenactment. I think they will jump into traumatic concepts...
However, this is only the path to depravity.
If the person appears to be accommodating, it is evidence that the person is gradually losing his or her sense of self, becoming paralyzed both physically and mentally, and falling apart as a living being, losing the true power to live. I think.
It can be said that they have lost their senses due to over-adaptation or severe dissociation and are in a state of confusion. ”

Mac: ``I see, that's interesting.However, to my eyes, it seems like Nao-chan has developed a true sense of self.''
Rather than adapting to others, refusing where you should refuse, being conscious of profit and loss, these are the ego and the power to live.
Konanao seems to be inspired by the strength to live.
Let's continue to communicate like this from time to time. I think it's mutually beneficial.
Before, I really felt like I was lost in the dark. I think he woke up after experiencing the give-and-take in exchanging money with me.''

Nao-chan: ``I don't know why, but I feel a strange bond with △-san.
``I am inspired by the strength to live''...These are wonderful words.
I believe that I was able to come this far because of the memories I had with Mr. △, and because of the various experiences I had with Mr. △.
Even when I was away from △-san, I thought, ``Thank you for loving me.''
Once my life is a little more stable, once I have gained a little more strength to live, would you be willing to give me some time?
I want to see △'s cool face again, and please give me a gentle hug. I would like to express my gratitude to Mr. △.
Even now, I sometimes see △ on the internet and think, ``She's so cool and wonderful.''
I like △'s brightness and △'s uniqueness.
When we met, he had a serious look on his face, as if he was possessed by something...
Maybe my situation is similar. If I were to become more energetic and have some self-awareness in the future, Mr. △ would also be cheerful, and I think we would be able to have fun talking to each other.
``Profit and loss account''. The impact that he had on teaching me this word and concept so strongly was huge.
Even now, even after I no longer met Mr. △, this concept has really saved me.
Please see us again sometime.
And even if I try to sell my body, please stop. Please. ”

I think I may have saved Nao-chan.
It's like finding a drowning kitten in the river and picking it up.
Nao says, ``I think the best thing to do is to not let him delve any further into the world of sex and bring him back into the light.''
If I had avoided Nao's sexual provocations from the beginning, I would have been a good person.
However, in the first place, I met Nao-chan through Papa-katsu, so that can't be the case. Besides, me being a good person and Nao being saved are two different things.
If I hadn't become a bad person, or rather if I hadn't been a bad person, I don't think Nao-chan would have been saved.
However, I don't think I'll ever have sex with Nao-chan again.
This is because now is the time to say, ``I think the best thing to do is to not allow him to delve any further into the world of sex and bring him back into the light.''
It's just a matter of results, but in Nao's case, it was important to inculcate the concept of profit and loss and give and take by having sex with her and giving her money at first.
That's why I think being a dad with me at that point was a necessary evil for Nao-chan.
At this point, when the buds of ego have grown, it is best to protect them from crushing them.
In other words, I shouldn't go along with Nao-chan's sexual reenactments any longer.
By writing this down here, I will keep it in mind.
I replied to Nao-chan as follows.
"Come visit me when you feel calm and well. I'll buy you something delicious even if you don't have sex."
Of course, I really mean it, but regardless of the line exchanges, I don't know if I'll actually be able to meet Nao-chan in the future.
For some reason, I feel like we won't be able to meet again.
Nao-chan probably knows best the risks of meeting me, and recognizing that risk as a risk is the only way to overcome the temptation to relive the trauma.
The fact that she wants to meet me but cancels at the last minute is probably proof that she is recovering.

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