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Reasons for low self-esteem and ways to improve self-esteem

"Self-affirmation mass"I'm Yuyu, a romance columnist.

I think I'm the only person who has chased after a girl's ass too much and been told to "sprinkle salt!"

If I could put my passion for girls into my work, I might have become a bigger player.

Well, in love, there is a "high self-affirmation" in the essential condition to be popular with the opposite sex.

Why is high self-esteem advantageous in love?

That is, people with high self-esteem can express their affection honestly to people they like, but people with low self-esteem take a curt attitude even if the person they like is in front of them, and they can shorten the distance with the other person. because it ends without

This mindset is also important in dad life.After all, women with high self-esteem can take a straightforward approach, so they can please their dads.
On the other hand, low self-esteem has a big negative impact on dad activities in both life and love.A woman with low self-esteem is a tough existence for a man, so I don't think I want to be with her.Even if repeat dad activities are important, if you don't want to meet again, it must be painful to have to keep looking for a new dad forever.

So what can you do to improve your self-esteem and have a better love life?

This time, for those who say, "I have low self-esteem..."How to raise "Self-affirmation" and "Tips to enjoy love"I will introduce about.

Self-esteem is the ability to say “yes” to yourself

What is “self-esteem” in this article?Being able to say “yes” to yourselfDefine as

You can say that you have a high sense of self-esteem by being able to mark your own tests by yourself, instead of having your teacher grade them.

If you have a high self-esteem and can say "yes" to yourself, you will naturally feel that you are an important person. You will only ask for "Jesus".

On the other hand, people with low self-esteemFundamentally, I am convinced that I am a bad personSo, no matter how many “yes” we get from others, we cannot satisfy our need for approval.

If you lack self-esteem, you will not be confident in your father's favor.

Why is "self-affirmation" necessary in love?

If you don't have enough self-esteem,Because I don't have confidence in my dad's goodwill.

People with low self-esteem are afraid of being betrayed and hurt by their dad, so they don't trust their dad even if they say they love him.
There is nothing sadder than not being trusted by your partner.
It's obvious that if you say "I love you" and you don't receive it for a long time, your relationship will cool down. 

Because love is made up of "sharing self-love"

I think everyone has a different definition of "romance", but the one that fits me the most is"Love is the sharing of self-lovewas the interpretation.

People often say, "I'm the prettiest.""Love" is to share the greatest love, "self-love", with the father, and to treat the emotions of the father as one's own.I wondered if it was.
However, people with low self-esteem don't think of themselves as important, so they don't have enough "self-love" to share.

You can't love someone if you don't have love to share.

If love is "sharing of self-love""You have to love yourself first before you can love someone else"I think.

What is the love tendency of people with low self-esteem?

I can't believe my daddy's favor

People with low self-esteem always think of "papa's betrayal" in love.

In mystical stylePut up a “line of defense to avoid getting hurt”However, if you are too defensive, you will switch to thinking that "Papa should betray you".

If you think, "It's natural for dad to betray you," your antenna for catching compliments will weaken and you'll only catch negative words.

If that happens, even if my dad praises me 100 times, it won't resonate.If you make a bad judgment once, you will drag that word foreverIt is

I can't honestly express my affection for my dad

People with low self-esteem are not good at expressing affection to their dad honestly.

As I mentioned earlier, people with low self-esteem are not confident in the other person's favor, so they think that if they show their affection, they will hate them.

I can't act unless I'm sure that the other person wants meA love story like ``rock-paper-scissors''The number of love affairs increases, and there tends to be a lot of love affairs where the other party takes the initiative.

If the other person takes the initiative all the time, you will not be able to think and act on your own, so you will not be able to reflect on the small amount of experience you can gain from a single relationship.

As a result of not being able to take advantage of failures, they end up repeating the same bad love affairs with different partners. 

I think that love is something that can be given

People with low self-esteem feel that they cannot be loved, and that is why their desire to be loved is stronger than others.

for that reasonLove is something that can be given to someoneThe way of thinking is ingrained in him, and he tends to demand affection from his father.

As the "desire to be loved" increases, the demands escalate more and more,Trying to make up for my lack of self-confidence by binding my daddyTo do.

As a result of being leaned on by someone with low self-esteem, there are many patterns in which the partner is exhausted and the relationship breaks down.

What is the ``how to increase self-esteem'' for people with low self-esteem?

Set small goals and clear them

For people with low self-esteem to affirm themselves, it is effective to set and clear "your own goals" that are not related to others.

"Invite 〇〇 on a date" isself-fulfilling goalsSo ok.

"Invite 〇〇 on a date and get the OK"dependent on the other person's intentionsSo NG.

People with low self-esteem tend to set goals that are too high or that they cannot complete on their own. let's go

the important thing is"Accumulating successful experiences"So it's important to praise yourself when you clear even a small thing.

respond more to compliments

It is difficult to manipulate the words that come out of the other party,It's up to you how you interpret what other people say.

However, for people with low self-esteem, as I mentioned earlier, “one criticism is better than 100 compliments”.

The antenna that catches compliments is weakSo I can only think "It's a flattery ...".

In the future, it will be easier to receive compliments and use them as a source of self-affirmation.

The trick is to say "thank you" instead of "it's flattering" when someone compliments you.

Only the person who said it is a compliment can know, so let's accept it as convenient for you.

It would be nice if you could tell someone about the words that made you happy to hear them again.

By the way, I like to be told "I like that kind of place" and "I want to see you again".

jump into a new environment

Your low self-esteem may be due to "bad environment".

If you are in an environment that does not suit you, whether at work or in a club, it is difficult for you to show your true self, and in many cases your self-esteem will be low.

My previous workplace was a sports club, and I was in an environment that emphasized quantity and performance rather than results.
However, after changing workplaces, I was evaluated in an environment where efficiency and results were respected, and as a result, I was able to perform better than before, and as a result, my self-esteem increased.

Common sense and what is evaluated changes depending on the environmentSo, before doubting your own abilities, it might be a good idea to question your environment and find an environment that suits you.

What are the tips for enjoying love for people with low self-esteem?

Anyway, increase the number of places to meet

People with low self-esteem tend not to want to go to "new encounters" where their worth is tested.

However, no matter how handsome or beautiful you are, you can't fall in love unless you secure a place to meet.

Let's make a ′′ new meeting place ′′ to increase your value.
It's good to look for a dad in the community you belong to, such as at work or school, but as I mentioned earlier, if the environment you're in isn't a "suitable environment," you'll fall in love with low self-esteem.
Self-affirmation changes greatly depending on the people you meet and the environment, so if you are dissatisfied with your current community, you should go to a town party or look for a match with a matching app.

Think in terms of adding points instead of deducting points

People with low self-esteem tend to have high ideals or think that it is natural to be "perfect" in the first place, so they tend to think about everything in a demerit system.

For example, people who use the point-adding method consider things to be worth 70 points, while people who use the demerit-point method consider them to be worth 30 points.

In that case, the hurdles of "obvious" in love will be higher, and you will find only your own and the other person's faults.

A love affair that only searches for rough spots is boring, isn't it?

However, there is no one who is perfect in everything, so it should be possible to loosen the standards for yourself and others.

Shifting things from "obvious to do" to "obvious to not"If you think about it in a point-adding way, you will be able to forgive yourself and be kind to others.

Be the giver of affection

As mentioned earlier, people with low self-esteem have a strong “desire to be loved” and always think that love will be given.

Love that faces with the stance of "I want to be loved"Love is an "obsession" in name onlyAnd there is only the idea of ​​how to give from dad.

In order to meet the needs of people with low self-esteem, romance columns circulating on the Internet present only "how to be loved by daddy", but what you really have to study is"How to Love Daddy".

Affection is an active thing, not a passive one.

Therefore, there is no route to be happy by acting thinking "I want to be loved".
If you are on the side of giving love, you can capture the joy of the other person as your own, so love is designed to be richer on the side of giving than on the side of being given.

People who think, "I'm giving a lot of love..." may think so because they're fundamentally looking for something in return, and they're working for themselves.

Neither gives nor is given,Giving each other is the ideal form of love.

For people with low self-esteem, I introduced tips for enjoying love and ways to increase self-esteem.

Summary of the causes of low self-esteem and ways to improve self-esteem

For people with low self-esteem to enjoy love, it is faster to change themselves than to ask others.
Love is a tribute to self-love, something you give, not someone else.
In other words, if you have low self-esteem, you won't be able to love someone because you don't have the love you can give your dad.
I am fully aware that there is no correct answer for something intangible like love, so I do not think that everything written in this article is correct.
But if there is at least one positive impact, I am happy as the author of the article.

love columnist. With over 17000 Twitter followers, she attracts the attention of many men and women.Based on her experience of meeting 300 women on her dating app, her blog “Yauyuism (https://www.yauyuism.com/)” and media “Lovefeed (https://lovefeed)” .jp/)”.

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