2023/4/19
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What I lost and what I gained by resisting my intuition (XNUMX)

"What about Monday or Tuesday next week?" LINE came.The first meeting was on Saturday, so it feels like it's going to be soon.After this person, there were several invitations, so I planned to think about it after meeting with all the people who had been decided recently.However, even though I had an initial intuition of "no", the allowance amount fluctuated more than expected, and I told them that I would put it on hold.Of course, for a gentle and ordinary reason, such as "I'll contact you again because my work is a little irregular."

 It was about a month and a half later that I met him for the second time.During that time, I had plans to meet a few people, but even though I made up my mind and jumped into the world of dating clubs, I was told, "It's just for the money, I don't like it, and intuitionally I don't have it." This is because I was reluctant to have such a relationship with someone who has gone wrong.

 If we were to meet for the second time, that would naturally happen, so I put off the decision and took a grace period.

 I thought that if I met a few more people, I would be able to meet someone who was more "existent" than this person.However, no matter who I meet, the amount offered varies slightly, but there is no big difference.I couldn't meet someone who seems to be.

 No, to be more precise, I was running away from meeting "that time".

“Then” is the time to become an adult.

 I was desperately trying to drown out the guilt mixed with various thoughts and ideas and the feeling of simply thinking, "I don't like it."

 "I'm sure he's a nice person," "He seemed kind," and "The way he interacts is gentlemanly," he said.

 Then, I made an appointment to meet him in person, and prepared myself mentally and physically for the day.

 

 Unlike the first time, there was no meal and we went straight to the hotel.The meeting was not at the hotel but at another place, and it seemed that he would walk from there.

 The cute reason for not eating was "because if you drink, you won't be able to do it".When she heard that for the first time, she smiled.At the time, she never imagined that this would really happen to her with this person.

 

 I think it took about 15 minutes on foot from the meeting place to the hotel.Isn't it better to be less conspicuous in the local gathering?I thought that too, but the conversation on the way to the hotel was just right as it helped me to relax.I focused on enjoying the conversation in the setting of an innocent couple who had just started dating.

 We arrived at a love hotel.It was an old-fashioned love hotel where people were at the front desk and keys were handed over directly.Well, I entered the room without worrying too much about it.

 After talking for a while, the atmosphere became like that, and after taking a bath together, things came to an end.During the middle, I desperately tried to raise my mood, but honestly, it was pretty tough.When I changed her position, I fell into despair, wondering if it would continue.

 Desperately trying to separate my mind from my body, I managed to reach the end.She endured quite well in many ways, so maybe she noticed it, and she was worried, "I'm sorry, it was a bit tough."And he sincerely thanked me, saying, "Thank you for making me regain my confidence as a man."I thought he was kind.But that's it.

 

 I wanted to take a quick shower and go home, but I thought it was natural to have time to enjoy the lingering afterglow because it was different from the service of the sex industry, so I continued the conversation.

 This man often spoke of his family.My life seems to be fulfilling.Talk innocently about children.Like a young child reporting to her mother, "Listen! What happened today?"Do people act like children before and after satisfying their desires?

 

 After taking a bath together and finishing changing clothes, I received a wad of bills taken directly from my wallet. I was told, ``If it's not enough, you'll be in trouble, so count it.''I thanked him and carefully put it in my bag.

 I was told to go outside first because I didn't want to be seen at the time of payment, so I waited outside the hotel.We boarded a taxi together and asked him to drop me off near my house before saying goodbye.

 

 Feeling like I've finished my work, I went to a convenience store and bought some of my favorite ice creams.She gargled with mouthwash and checked her bag to make sure the wad of banknotes she gave me earlier was really there.It's a pretty good income when you convert it to an hourly wage. I can't believe I can get ○ % of my usual salary in one time.

 There is no particular mental damage.Some parts of my body just hurt a little.Anyway, I felt like I had finished a slightly demanding job with an hourly wage of ○ yen.

 

 When I sent a message of thanks the next day, I received a reply with a photo.she felt nothing.

 

 I thought it would happen unexpectedly.Do something like that with someone you don't like, for money.Sex is one way to make money.It is better for the world to send what can be sent.Convincing myself like that, I was simulating whether I could endure that time next time.

Writers: 
I was intrigued by this special world, and even though it smelled a bit dangerous, I jumped into it.Observing the people you meet and yourself facing them will help you learn and grow.My blog is just a testimonial that is far from useful information.Please drop by if you are interested.

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