【Questions】

I have a friend (same sex) of four years.For me, she was a so-called best friend, and she was so open to me that I could expose her weaknesses and complexes.

Last year, she successfully lost 10kg, while I gained 4kg in the four years since I met her.It's embarrassing to see her already fat, but when I see her who's lost 20kg, I can't help but realize that I'm fat and I don't even want to see her.

Also, I didn't mean to look down on her when I was thin, but I subconsciously felt comfortable with the relationship between "I'm thin" and "my chubby girlfriend" when we first met. I think I can't stand being in the opposite position.

However, I also think that it is just a body type.I think it would be a shame to lose such a precious friend.

Even after I have these feelings for her, she treats me the same way she used to.And this time she meets her friend in person for the first time in a year.

《Question to Mr. Ueno》
① When meeting her, how can I get rid of the above feeling of “I don’t want to meet”?
② Should I apologize for avoiding her and honestly tell her the reason?
 

【Answer】

Thank you very much for your question.

A friend of mine seems to have succeeded in losing 10kg, but this is no mean feat.Without a strong will, such a diet would not have been successful.

So what exactly was her strong will?

I may have gotten a boyfriend.
Someone may have made a fool of you.
You may look in the mirror and despair.

However, in any case, there is no doubt that it was derived from "complex".

If you don't care about being fat, you shouldn't go on a diet.Of course, there are some people who want to lose weight for their health, but it can be said that it is a complex about health.

If so, the person who asked the question must know what kind of emotions swirled in her heart when I met her four years ago.

It is the same as the current questioner.I would have been jealous of the slim questioner and despaired of my body.I may have despaired every time I took a picture with the questioner.

I have so much respect for her.

It's not because she succeeded in dieting.I would like to show my respect for her willingness to suppress her feelings of jealousy and continue to meet with the questioner without being able to sense her negative emotions.

Of course, even if it made up for the jealousy, there is no doubt that there was a charm that made the questioner want to meet.But even so, I have deep respect for her determination to keep the negative emotions swirling in her heart from leaking out.

I have no respect for the born rich

If she hadn't felt any complex from the beginning, I wouldn't have respected her.

This is because, for better or worse, you are simply following your own feelings.I don't think it's a bad thing at all, but I don't think it's respectful either.

But she distorted her feelings and actions with her will.She used her will to suppress the complex that rose up from the bottom of her heart and the negative emotions it created.

I would like to respect that intention.I even think that suppressing emotions with reason is what makes humans human.

Therefore, I can't help but hope that the questioner will continue to get along with such a wonderful woman.There is no doubt that it is a difficult road, but I hope that the questioner will follow that road as she once overcame it.

I want you to continue to walk while suffering from the negative emotions that spring up inside you.

But please don't belittle yourself.There is no such thing as a person who doesn't like people who have negative emotions.

I don't like people who can't rationalize their negative emotions.

People who spread negative emotions are ugly.

In the first place, people who don't have negative emotions are good people who just follow their instincts.

I believe that people who use reason to suppress their constantly rising negative emotions are beautiful, and I can't help but hope that the person asking this question will also become such a person.

This is my selfish wish.I am aware that asking people to follow a painful path, which is like a sentence in the Bible, is a cruel thing to do.

But please, please take good care of a wonderful person like her.

And please don't despise yourself for being tormented by negative emotions.

I think that the questioner who suppresses negative emotions with reason is a very wonderful, strong, and attractive person.